I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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