she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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