$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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