i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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