Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
