My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
