I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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