Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
