Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
