she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Randomize