I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
