You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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