2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
