Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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