Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
