i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
