What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
