When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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