I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
