My first STD was from a foam party
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
