Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize