I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
