1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
