Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
