who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
