Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
