I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
