I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
