Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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