I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
