but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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