I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
a search helicopter?!
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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