I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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