I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
