do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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