Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
