well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
