Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
