Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
