Umm I'm too high to move.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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