iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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