I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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