I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
