like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
