I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize