is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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