Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
