I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize