Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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