Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
