Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
