fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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