if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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