everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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