apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We have so much sex to catch up on
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
