It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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