sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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