yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
