woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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