Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
All I want is dick and wine.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
