Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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