He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
