my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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