tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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