does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
