when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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