Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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