do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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