you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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