dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
