k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
