You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
What a dumb baby whore.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
