90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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