why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize