Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize