Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
this boner is exhausting
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
